2005-09-15

 

Probably too "emo" for my cousin. And not in the "emo" I know. So, Matt, on the off-chance you're reading this, you should really just close the window and move on. I mean it. Skip this post.

Now, some family crap.
It seems that my estranged mother (EM) has come back onto the scene, and is pissed that she wasn't notified when my dear aunt, her sister, passed away. Apparently, EM called my uncle (her brother) and tore him a new one over it. I don't know how precisely she discovered that this had all occurred, and frankly I really don't care. However, during the time I spent in Houston, in Doreen's final weeks, I did talk to her about this very topic. Specifically, I remember the day after I got in town, I told Doreen that the last time she had been gravely ill, and we weren't sure how long she had left, MoMo and I had talked about (a) whether or not we should contact EM; and (b) if so, which one of us should do it. We decided after some agony that it was not appropriate for us to bring her into it, and that we would do nothing. But in the end, it was a non-issue. Doreen recovered, again, for the nth time, and we all breathed a sigh of relief and went about our lives. At any rate, I related it all to Doreen when I was visiting her.
She said, "No, you did the right thing."
I said, "You know, if it comes up again, we can do it. We can call her."
And she took my hand and said, "No. I have everything I need right here."
The next day, or maybe that evening (hard to be sure), Doreen had a stroke that limited her movement and she took to bed. Though several people asked me (and MoMo, at different times) whether or not we had/should contact our mother, we politely declined. It would have been against Doreen's wishes. Doreen passed away surrounded by people who loved her and spent their time thinking about how to make her comfortable, undistracted by the drama queen factor introducing EM would have certainly caused.
Now that EM is screaming and having a fit (again, based on third-party reports) about her exclusion from Doreen's final days, I don't really understand what ground she thinks she has to stand on. Stop blaming everyone else and take some damn responsibility, fer chrissakes! And I'm not the first person to say this:

Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 13:58:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Doreen
Subject: WHY
To: email address omitted

you know anne when you called i did not hesitate to give you joe's correct phone number. i did not dream you would want to start up more crap. abviously joe does not remember taking the picture of jacob and sending it to you, i had him sign a note stating he would take full responsibility for it and he only did it because you were so upset. he thought that would help you not make you angry. and who gets the crapy e-mail - ME, telling me how i am an vindictive little bitch who never forgave you for oprah. i don't give a shit about oprah. if you felt that was the truth than whatever....... i am just sorry you blame me for all of your problems with your daughters. you acted no better than our own mother to them and if you wanted to be part of their life you could have but you can't take the blame for anything. it was always someone else's problem. i seem to have taken the time to get to know them, no matter what horrible things you said about me and i happy to say that i speak to them at least once a month. you have to give a little to get a little. you forget how you used them as pawns against pat & i when ever we did not play your games.
i'm over all of that no matter what you think. you did not even ask or care to see how i have been these last few years. i know you don't care and that is the sad thing, i am the only one that actually cares about you and wonders how you and dave are, i know he was having heart problems and i hope that he is better. i want you to be happy but not at the expense of doging me. i tried my best to keep up with you but you see black and i see white when it comes to life.
doreen

Email posted with permission of family who received it as a forward from Doreen. I wouldn't have posted it if I thought she would object.
I don't know why precisely I'm so torqued about the rant EM gave to my uncle. I wasn't at all surprised. I guess it boils down to the fact that even when Doug lost his wife, and the boys lost their mother, and Doreen lost the chance to see them grow fully into men, all I can hear EM screaming about is "how could you do this to ME?" It's all I've ever heard from her, and I can't imagine that this situation was any different.

Labels: family

posted by bethanye 2:19:00 PM