2002-09-12

 

MoMo's birthday. We sent her a painting we commissioned in Japantown - the kanji for peach (which is "momo" in Japanese) and a branch from a peach tree. I hope she liked it. She seemed to when I talked to her.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 2:14:00 PM   

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2002-09-11

 

I'm going to just get this over with. I have a ton of stuff to do, but until I just let all this out, I don't know that I'll be worth much. Last year. This day seems so clear in my mind. I still worked at home, but I was supposed to be at the office for a 9:00 meeting of some sort. I was kind of dragging, actually. Finally was getting my stuff gathered up to get out the door, and I get a frantic call from Kimmy. "Are you still home? Turn on CNN! There was a plane wreck in NYC!" We still thought that it had been some sort of terrible plane crash then, just a devastating accident. We watched together for a while, then I bowed out... I had to get to work; I had to make that meeting. Left the TV on while I got my stuff together... and the second plane came in. Kimmy called me right back, and we just watched the replays in horror. What the hell had happened? And yet, it nagged at me... must get into the office. I couldn't watch it any more. I left the house, and got into some of the worst traffic on 635 of all time. Sitting at a dead stop at 635 and Greenville, I got a call from Molly - "Get out of the house! They still have planes in the air, and if they hit Dallas, TI is the place to hit. It would cause a huge explosion. Get out of the house!" I looked over to my right. There's the TI building. "Well, if I'm going to get blown up, it will be in traffic. Nothing I can do about it." At that point, I was already pretty emotionally exhausted. The thought of being blown up in my car was so unfamiliar I couldn't make room for it. Finally made it through some of the traffic, and I hear on NPR that a plane has just hit the Pentagon. Now for a call from my sister, who had just heard the same thing en route to school. "Why the fuck do we even have the CIA? What the hell are they doing? How is this happening? Are those dumb fucks just sitting on their asses? Arrrggghhhh!!!" Despite the horror of the situation, I still snicker when I remember that phone call. Then came the threats of car bombs at the State Department, of an unknown quantity of hijacked planes still out there. Around the time I made it into work, the towers were falling. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. We all just stayed, gathered around our radios, not working. I left the office early - around 3 or so - went home. Took a long hot shower. Waited for Stephen to come home. And when he did, I just held him and cried. The next day was MoMo's birthday, which everyone seems to have forgot. I feel pretty bad about that now. I'm making an extra concerted effort to not forget it again. Some friends from work were married in Jamaica that day, and didn't know that their ceremony approximately coincided with the awful events. Maybe now I can get some work done.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 9:31:00 AM   

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2002-09-06

 

It's all a-buzz here at work. The big trade show is coming up next week and resellers/customers will be descending upon our workplace for cocktails and food on Monday. Then there's the big party in the city on Tuesday. The presentations all week at the show, which I happily am not subject to. But then comes my "what I've been up to" spiel on Friday (a week from today) to the company. I won't write about what I've been working on here, but I will say that I'm a bit nervous about next Friday. Back-a to work-a.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 11:06:00 AM   

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2002-09-02

 

Not much to say today... Except that I ate chocolate cake for dinner. Yep, I sure did. I made a delectable lentil soup and a chocolate cake at the same time, and the soup remains untouched while the cake has big hunks gouged out of it. Ah, well... I did ride my bike a little bit today, so much the better. I'm going to ride it to work tomorrow, too. We bought a new bike for Stevie this weekend, and it's big enough to fit him comfortably. Oh, and as an open letter to the asshat who stuck the "I KILL CHILDREN" sticker on the bug: You dumbass. I bet you drove in your car through our neighborhood plastering your little stickers on every vehicle. Oh, and we drove extra this weekend, to boot. Screw you. Okay, I'm back from that interlude now. Got to run before my battery dies. More lovely drivel later.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 6:53:00 PM   

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2002-08-28

 

So, there it is then. My dear aunt Doreen has been sick for years. She has fought breast cancer and its many offshoots much longer than any one could have expected. And now she has a brain tumor that they can't treat, and the end may well be near. And that completely, totally, and unreservedly sucks. I can't think about it too much right now, but I am working on myself in earnest, perhaps because I want to live my life urgently to try to make more time for her. Somehow. I know it's not possible, but if I have this life... It's mine, it's real, and I'm lucky to have it given my health history. I'm sturdy enough now, but I don't maintain myself like I should - and not just my corporeal self. All of me. I pick at myself mentally and spiritually constantly, and its amazing that I haven't just eroded away by now. I must be made of pretty damn strong stuff to have made it this far. I need to shore up what I have, who I am, instead of wearing away at it all. So, I rode my bike to work again today. I'm going to start out at twice a week, and beginning in October I'll go to three times weekly, and maybe be up to every day (or even most days) by the time my birthday rolls around. I'm also going to start watching what I eat, but not in the way you might think. I'm going to try to eat more things, different kinds of things, different flavors and colors and scents. I'm going to indulge my needs for things that are comforting, but not to the point where I'm wallowing exclusively in the familiar. And I'm going to remember that money isn't as important as time. How lucky am I? I spend every day in the loving warmth of a rewarding marriage, comfortably fed, clearly held dear by extraordinary people whom I adore in return. Doreen is one of those people. How dare I throw away the time I have in such a flippant way, when she has so precious little? Now, this is the point where the very few people who will ever read this will be relieved when they remember that I don't drink to excess or indulge in drugs or anything else illicit or dangerous. I want to savor my life, to roll it around and really feel it. And some of that feeling is the pain of loss and sorrow, and some of it is the joy of love, and the ache of muscles, and the contented satisfaction of lying next to Stephen, a cat pressed against me. I want to feel that life again, crystallized like it was when I first felt that fire inside of me - that I wanted to really live. And I'm going to try. I'm really going to try.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 1:31:00 PM   

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2002-08-26

 

I just took a geek quiz. Here's the output:

You are 64% geek

You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Hmm... Maybe I should try that one again...

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 1:36:00 PM   

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2002-08-23

 

I just rode my bike home from work for the first time. Going into work on Wednesday was pretty easy - it's downhill most all the way. Coming back was another story, but not a completely miserable one. The ride into work takes about 15 minutes if you do it right and you don't go down San Pablo and get forced onto the sidewalk (like I did the other day). The ride home takes about 30 minutes, with the first 5 being easy, the next 20 are difficult, and the last 5 aren't bad (save crossing Telegraph). I think I'll do that at the light at Ashby next time instead of pissing off traffic by enforcing my right to cross at the crosswalk and getting honked at. I was okay for the first 10 difficult minutes, then I stopped to adjust my helmet (read: let my heartrate return to something resembling reasonable) and continued in first gear the rest of that uphill way, easily passed by a half-dozen cyclists. But I'm not unhappy that I did it. I don't feel too bad now. When I mentioned to Stevie that everyone passed me, he said, "Well, there's only one thing for that - more of it." I know he's right. So, I'm going to ride into work at least twice next week, and then I'll work up to three times a week over the next month. I need a new bike saddle, though. That one makes me numb after awhile. Stevie's not feeling well today, so he's in bed eating soup that I just warmed up for him. Hopefully, he's better by tomorrow so that we can go down to Japantown with Karen and James. I sent flowers to Shirley and Doreen the other day - an orchid for Shirley since she's doing so fabulously with mine, and a big bouquet for Doreen to lift her spirits. She seemed really down when I spoke to her on Tuesday. I just called her and she said that she'd call me back in a bit. That will be a nice chat.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 6:33:00 PM   

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Last night I had a dream to rival the Darth Vader's Sysad dream. I dreamed with that all-seeing third party (like watching a movie) perspective. There was a reporter and a cameraman working on an investigative story about mistreated emus. No, really. Emus. The owners of the emus were just dropping off food and didn't notice that a virus had killed nearly all of their flock. The smell of rotting emu was overwhelmingly strong, and the reporter was going on and on about "the horrors these majestic beasts had been subjected to" when... Okay, here's the weird part: ...a giant flying shark, it's belly covered with grass (like it had been laying in a recently-cut field), swooped in and started to feed on the emu corpses. It was a huge beast - something like 12 feet - and shaped like a juvenile great white before they get really portly and pack on the fat. It landed next to the pile of emu, held itself up on its front fins (which were somewhat elongated) and began to feast. The reporter was terrified - I mean, you have this huge apex predator coming right at you from the sky, gliding in even though it was not even remotely aerodynamic - wouldn't you be terrified? But it wasn't a problem, because out of water all those highly-evolved receptors were basically useless. It just knew about the emus because they reeked so bad. Pretty bizarre, eh?

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 11:30:00 AM   

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2002-08-21

 

I am so proud of Molly. She is hands-down one of the coolest people I have ever known, a true and wonderful friend, and I can't express how lucky I am to have found her as a friend. Not even with an interpretive dance. Today is her last day at the big p-V, for which I shall be grateful for an extended period of time, though probably not eternally. She's pursuing a goal, a dream. She's also a damn fine sysad, and will be damn good at anything she puts her mind to, IMO. She has a future that is looking increasingly bright, unlike some other people that I don't have to mention here so long as I flip my hair appropriately to indicate who's referenced. Yeah, I'm a little bit bad. But not very bad. I'm so glad that Stevie's home. It was lonely without him. And I'm also glad for the strawberry shortcake we had for Scott's birthday yesterday - YUM! And I'm also also glad that I got my bike back from Hank and Frank's and that it's not difficult to ride anymore. Yippie! Maybe there's something to that brake-rubbing theory after all. No, really, moose bites can be really nasty!

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 10:49:00 AM   

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2002-08-19

 

Stevie's coming home! He's on a plane right now, and he'll be here in just a few hours. Actually, his flight lands in about 30 minutes. I miss him so much. And... I called my godmother Analine this morning, and talked to her for about 25 minutes. She's doing okay, but of course caring for her 94 year old mother can be a strain. It was nice to chat with her for a bit and give her an update, though.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 1:00:00 PM   

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2002-08-18

 

I am just pathetic. This morning, I rode my bike up to Hank and Frank's, the recommended local bike shop on Claremont. I've walked that lots of times, and having done that at least twice a week for a month don't even feel tired or sore after the trek, even when I'm really trying to move quickly. I suspect that this is because I have actually improved my health minimally in the time we've been walking everywhere on weekends (and often to dinner or the grocery during the week). But this morning, I nearly killed myself riding the bike over to the bike shop, and I'm not entirely sure why. I have a few theories that put me in the most positive light possible. The bike needed a tune-up badly. The seat wasn't adjusted properly (which I did remedy part-way over there, and it helped quite a bit). The brakes were rubbing. Again, not complete BS, since they were rubbing pretty badly when I walked the bike into the shop. Like driving with the parking brake partially engaged, only without risk of fire. Maybe it will all be better when I get the bike back on Tuesday. Or, more likely, I'm just that far out of shape. Gotta go to the Y. Any second now... I really should go up there, though. We are spending money on it, after all. The potential housing crisis has been averted, though Karen (a.k.a. our landlady) has informed me that Jacquie (a.k.a. neighbor downstairs) has put in her notice and is leaving in a month. I talked to James (a.k.a. Jacquie's BF) for a moment about it yesterday when he returned our DVDs, and he says that she has some intersting opportunities that will involve travel with her job, so it doesn't make sense to pay for a place when you're never home. I have to agree with him on that. So, she's moving home with her mom. That puts her closer to James, too, so that will be nice for them. Today Stevie's at his parents' house in Hide-A-Way, and I'm sure they're thrilled to see their baby boy. I miss them. It's been very hard being here alone this weekend. I'm so lonely. I miss the life I used to have, even though I don't regret coming out here. Well, I don't regret it right now. I have regretted it occasionally since we sold the house months ago. I really miss that house and our neighborhood. I miss walking up to get coffee early on Sunday mornings with Stephen and chatting with the barista. I miss the cats going out on the porch, and sitting out there with Molly drinking beer late in the evening when it wasn't too hot. Oh, and how I miss my car. I loved that car. It's probably not good for me to have become so attached to something like that, but I do miss it so. I think I'm going to try to revel in the weather here today, though. It's already something like 100 degrees in Dallas, and it's only 65 here. Yes, I'll go out on the back porch and read for a bit. Here's what I'm reading right now, if you're interested.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 12:53:00 PM   

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2002-08-17

 

I just got home. From an "art party", which pretty much consisted of a huge number of people cramming into a relatively small space that was already full of art. Some of the art was really very good, some was... well, I don't know much about art. Anyway, it was fascinating. I was offered three different types of drugs in three different families (opiates, hallucinogens, and whatever pot is), but I didn't partake of any. A simple, "No, thanks." like an after-school special (except for the significant age difference). I did enjoy some bourbon that Steve F. let me mooch from him. Steve was very kind to me tonight. He was DJ'ing the party from the loft area, and noticed me off in the corner (sort of wavering between bored and depressed). He signaled to me to come upstairs and hang up there, and I am sincerely grateful for that. The view of the gathering was so much different from up there. For one, every woman who was baring cleavage had a full straight-down view from above. More than that, I could see the clusters of conversation, moving through the room. Groups of three or four, then one would turn and join another conversation. There was a huge rope swing that was suspended in the center of the room, and various guests took turns swinging across, some ploughing directly into some poor person who didn't see them coming. Some got some pretty impressive swings going on it, and one very happy (and likely inebriated) woman hopped on in a skirt that flopped up as she rode the sweeping arc through the crowd. There was a young and lovely latina with one lock of hair wrapped in thread - she was seeking a guy named "John". The only description she could give was that "he had long hair." Not much of a description in a San Francisco loft. She left around midnight, never finding "John" but successfully fending off a few hits. When the last band came on - I didn't catch their name - the rockabilly / country sound got the several in the group swinging along in a bastardized country dance that I really can't even describe. I remembered an interview with Squirrel Nut Zippers I heard once. The band said that "people would sort of dance in this charlestonesque fashion, the combination of every forties movie they had ever seen." I thought of that watching them swing and do-si-do and occasionally try to line dance. What were these people watching? Hee-Haw and Urban Cowboy by the looks of it. But they were so happy. The band was quite good, and got a good rhythm running through the throng of onlookers. Then the cops came and told everyone to quiet down, so that was about the end of that. Only far more subdued DJ work a la Steve from that point on. Sarah - the hostess - passed out from exhaustion and alcohol and possibly some other ingested substance around 12:30ish, and then we drove back from the city... over the Bay Bridge, into Oakland. It was very nice of Dina to drive, as I certainly would never have been able to find my way around by myself, and additionally I don't know that I would have had the initiative to go into the city without someone to guide. I need to bathe and sleep. I smell of cigarettes and alcohol and sweat from the press of so many bodies and no ventilation. Yes, to sleep...

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 1:32:00 AM   

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2002-08-16

 

So, I just read this op-ed piece about a CF woman and how she's happy that way. I like the article a lot, particularly the quote: " I accept that I have missed out on one of the most profound feelings human beings can have. But even if I did regret not having children, why would that be a different order of regret from other missed opportunities?" Amen to that. But you know, now that I'm re-mulling over the CF existance - again - I have to admit that one of the reasons that Molly is such a wonderful friend is that she doesn't judge me for not birthing. I'm truly happy for her that she and JR are planning a family. I think they'll make great parents. And, I think, she's truly happy for me that I have a fulfilling marriage and career, and that I'm content with the choices I have made. I know, I could change my mind. But I don't expect to.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 9:29:00 AM   

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Yuk! Just looked at the Dallas weather. Ick! Mug-gy with a capital MUG! Tried to ride my bike this morning, only to discover that the brakes were all whacked out and that I need a new helmet. So I'll hit Hank and Frank's this weekend to handle that one. Last night would have been really hard - and it was very difficult to fall asleep - if Molly hadn't babysat me for three hours. Thanks, Mol!

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 8:33:00 AM   

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2002-08-15

 

I needed a good laugh this morning. lil' Stevie is off to Dallas. I won't get to see him until next Tuesday, and I keep having these terrible pseudo-psycho thoughts like, "Maybe he'll decide he doesn't want to come back. Maybe he'll want to stay home." Or, the perennial favorite (thank you Shirley-Mom), "What if something happens on his flight? Car wreck? Devastating illness?" I know. I need to give it a break. Anyway, back to the laugh. Molly's blog for today is quite amusing. And it poses the question of the ages, "What exactly is ground in a rumor mill?" I can just picture the place going into the all-to-familiar mode of "Nobody's supposed to know this, but everyone does." Business as usual. Looking at Molly's new weather banner, though, I guess all of that worry about Stevie is completely unjustified. I'm sure it's 85 degrees at 10:30AM, but it feels like 95. And humid. I didn't ride my bike this morning, though I know I should have. I'll do it tomorrow, because I'm going out after work with a few people and I don't want to abandon the bug up here.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 9:07:00 AM   

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2002-08-14

 

Molly's blog for today says: On a happier note, not going to St. Louis means I can get ready for school next week. On an even happier note, it means you don't have to go suffer in St. Louis! Ick. Been there a few times, never understood the appeal. I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight, but the past few nights have been difficult for me. I just worry so much - always right before trying to sleep, never early in the day when it's convenient - so that there's nothing I can do with myself but fret. Maybe I can beat the fretting to bed tonight. Soon... It's nice and dark now. Maybe I'll just have a bathe and then try to get some rest. But NOT before I mention something that's in the front of my mind. I just finished re-reading Catcher in the Rye, and while it seems to me that there's a little bit of Holden Caulfield in everyone, there's a lot of Holden in some people I have known. Some who should have been old enough to outgrow it, but didn't. Yes, another spoiled rotten boy who thought that he was the most intelligent person in every situation. Now, they're not twins or anything. Holden Caulfield can, at times, admit that he doesn't have a clue, whereas the individual I'm referencing never was able to do that. Actually, the more I think about it, the guy I knew was more accurately the guy that Holden would hate. He thought he was Mr. Suave, when in fact he was - to borrow a phrase - a crumby phony. In real life. Not just in the preception of an angst-riddled (and in this case, fictional) youth. Damn, I'm glad I dumped that boy. My life has on the whole gone very well from the day I left him. Hopefully I did my karmic penance early on, by staying in that relationship as long as I did. And, as I've mentioned before, I wouldn't take it back. If I hadn't spent some time with jerks, I wouldn't have appreciated lil' Stevie for the wonderful husband he is. Back before I went through those bad times, the "nice guy" was also the "boring guy." Where was the appeal in spending time with someone who actually treated you well and liked being around you? Yep. One of the best moves I ever made. My single strongest reason for being an advocate for living with someone before you marry them. Because if I hadn't lived with him, I might have married him, and that would have been a much more difficult trap to escape from.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 8:10:00 PM   

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2002-08-13

 

I've spent too much money lately. Not so much that we're in any sort of financial danger, but enough that I want to beat myself up about it. So, that's what I'm doing now - beating myself up. It won't last long. No point in it. Talked to MoMo for a bit tonight, and caught her up on the whole drama of Molly's life. She didn't even know that JR had switched jobs, much less the turmoil that followed along after that. I'm going to be on the lookout for cheap tickets to get Jake and MoMo out here for a weekend sometime soon (I hope). I miss them awful. Stevie's getting ready to go soon. Well, tomorrow is his last night, before he goes off to Dallas on the trip that makes me "TEH L3373S7 W1F3 3VAR!!!!11!!!". Sending him off to Dallas for the WWIIOL mini-con. It will be hard on me while he's gone, of course, but I'll make it. It's just for a weekend, after all.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 8:35:00 PM   

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I moved downstairs today, to the Jan Memorial Desk. Four boxes and much dusting later, at least it's cleaned off. Not personal yet, but there's plenty of time for that sort of nonsense. More later.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 1:08:00 PM   

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2002-08-12

 

I'm fretting today. Yep, that's about the only way to describe it. I'm fretting over housing issues, which - should anything significant occur - I will detail later.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 6:18:00 PM   

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2002-08-11

 

Some movies should be seen on the big screen. Others, it doesn't matter as much. I've seen Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring twice on the ultra-megaplex big screen before today. "Ahh..." you're thinking, "They bought the DVD set!" Psych! No, we did not. We walked over the the Elmwood theater and saw it there - much bigger than your average TV, but 1/4 the size of the megaplex screen. At first, I was a little worried that it would suck that way, but actually I really liked it. On the huge screen, it's too big to see everything going on at once. Something subtle in the background might be missed because it literally takes up your entire field of vision just to see the "important" parts. It was quite something to see the entire expanse of landscape, the blackened grounds as the camera plunges down the side of Orthanc into the orc-laden pits, the wild expanse of the battlescenes in Moria. In fact, I got a much better look at the balrog this time, just because I could see both it and Gandalf at the same time. And then, the preview for The Two Towers. It rocked! I was thrilled to get glimpses of Helm's Deep, Treebeard, and characters introduced in the next book / film. Lovely, really. I highly recommend seeing the "preview" release of the film, just for that. Something I've just noticed that I do when writing these things, or email, or anything in an "advanced" text editor such as a word processor. I try to use vi shortcuts. I just typed "dw5d" to delete part of a sentence above, looked at what I typed, realized that it was completely weird and remedied the situation. WTF is that all about? I even forget to use the delete key? I use "j" and "h" to move around, and "G" to try to shortcut to the end. She's got a problem. But she's not going to do something dumb... (Thanks, Fountains of Wayne!) Now, here's a snapshot from earlier in my day: We were in an Elmwood coffee shop near the theater. From where I sat, there were so many people, and they were all so different from each other. A Buddhist nun sharing San Pelligrino with a friend. The pretty young Korean woman with a great haircut, a stack of religious books on her table - a well-used "Book of Prayer", a Bible peppered with bookmarks. She cried surreptitiously under her hair while poring over a copy of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Was it the part where Aslan dies? There was the lovely young ultra-hip lesbian couple, appropriately pierced and tattooed and attired, having an animated chat while an animated session of "footsie" went on under the table. The older professorly husband and wife, trading sections of the paper without making eye contact, absent-mindedly breaking pieces from a muffin between them on the table. The blonde co-ed who balanced a binder of papers, three books, a latte, and a biscotti back to the corner table by the window. There was the heavy scent of espresso shots and the hissing gurgle of steaming milk. The taste of tangy vinagrette and organic greens in my mouth. And Stephen, gazing at me with such love and adoration and a hint of worry. Why was I suddenly so contemplative? Was I sad again? Did I have a wish unfulfilled that he could remedy? Those sweet brown eyes just watched, and he waited for me to have a want. And then it was time to leave, and we walked to the theater, pinkie fingers intertwined.

Labels: ancient history

posted by bethanye 4:08:00 PM   

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2002-08-10

 

And so it comes to pass... I was outbid for that bassoon. However, I found somewhere I could buy one new online from a very reputable dealer of musical instruments - for only $250 more than I was willing to bid (including free shipping). So, I bought it. Just now. I bought a new kick-ass bassoon. Now to find somewhere locally to get reeds and other accoutrements. Today we walked. And walked and walked and walked some more. All the way up through the freakshow that is Telegraph in Berkeley on a Saturday afternoon. It was tiring and quite warm, but not bad per se. It was a sea of tie-dye and henna tattoos and macrame jewelry and anti-war bumperstickers. There's nothing like that in Dallas. When I was here several months ago - in May, actually - I got a call from MoMo on Saturday when I was walking down from the hotel (in Berkeley) to the open house for the house we're renting now. I walked down Telegraph the whole way. Anyway, it was our father's birthday, which I had (of course) forgotten. I remember MoMo's birthday, Jacob's, Stephen's, Molly's, mine... that's about it for me on the birthday remembering front. So, on the way back from the open house, I called him. Just walking up the street chatting, and he finally says, "Are you at some sort of festival or something?" Nope, just the "what decade is this anyway" weekly gathering of vendors and shoppers on the sidewalks of Telegraph Avenue. So now I'm tired and rehydrating - no problem with me overdoing it and getting that "water intoxication" they talked about on NPR yesterday morning. Not for me today, anyway. I'm behind on my fluids. I love my lil' Stevie. He's just amazingly sweet and supportive, and he's certainly doing a yeoman's job of hanging on through my high-to-low swinging moods. I think I'll even out soon, but I'm not going to be surprised if it takes at least a few more months. I need to feel like I have some sort of pattern here, and right now I don't sense that. Yet. Oh, and I didn't sleep for sixteen hours. More like six. The cat knocked some stuff off the dresser and startled me awake, and somehow I wasn't able to just conk right back out. Maybe that partially accounts for my headache.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 4:46:00 PM   

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2002-08-09

 

Screw it. I don't care if it's a lot of money. I'm getting a bassoon. I just upped my eBay bid - woo-hoo! Hopefully, I'll get it!

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posted by bethanye 11:25:00 PM   

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Tonight I'm depressed. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's some uncertainty about my living situation - but that will (most likely) work itself out. Maybe it's finally catching up with me that I don't really have that much to do to fill my hours. I guess... Hell, I know that I was working over and above what was appropriate for the last seven years or so, and I further (now) know that it prevented me from having any life outside of work. What do you do with yourself when you're not needed like that all the time. At first, it's been kind of fun. Kind of like vacation. But now I'm settled into it and it's not vacay - it's Life (with a big "L"). This is it. Big time. No do-overs. I don't really have any friends here. Not yet, anyway. I have "work friends" so far, and maybe some of them will turn out to be "friend friends". But right now I feel like no one wants to be around me or spend time with me. I talk too much and I'm too overwhelming to them. And that's just too f*cking bad, because that's how I am. Ahh... screw that. No point grousing and feeling sorry for myself. (but I do it so well!) Or, more likely, I'm just trying too hard without realizing just how hard I'm trying. It wears me out and it wears them out. I told Karen (was it yesterday) that for the most part I didn't need too many people around. I just need my lil' Stevie. Essentially, that's true. But tonight I'm lonely, and I miss my friends, and I miss having someone call me up and say, "Hey! Wanna go get some coffee?" Or see a movie. Or anything. I miss my Molly. There, I said it. I'm amazingly proud of her, and that just makes it all the more sharp of a pain. It aches. Some days it's dull, right now it hurts more than usual. I'm tired. So tired. I'm going to sleep for sixteen hours. That'll show me!

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 11:07:00 PM   

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Molly's got a blog now! It's here, and that's kind of nice for me because it means I can read things she thinks even if I can't get to talk to her. As busy as things are going to get for her, I have to wonder how much time she'll have for those long grrl-talks for the rest of this semester. But that's okay - because I know that she's doing something great with herself. I'm devastatingly proud of her, particularly for not allowing family dramas to prevent her from moving forward with her goals. She's building for her future. What could be more marvelous?

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posted by bethanye 3:01:00 PM   

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It is freaking hot up here right now! Up in Tech Support, that is. Well, quite warm. The A/C is working overtime downstairs, so they're cold, while we're trying to stay awake upstairs. I guess I can't speak for all of us - so I'm trying to stay awake, then. Last day up here for me. We might be going out to a "margarita lunch" at Juan's, so it should be interesting to see how I get through the afternoon. I need to get some boxes and pack up the "Jan Memorial Desk".

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posted by bethanye 10:37:00 AM   

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2002-08-08

 

So, I tested the email blog. And, I have to say that I didn't really care for the formatting, but other than that, it's okay. I like that it adds the title, for example. Why am I bothering to say that? Who cares? Enough of the drivel. I'm going to go read a book.

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posted by bethanye 3:15:00 PM   

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2002-08-07

 

Huh! We've had our stuff less than a month! That's not bad time for moving stuff around and getting settled in. Next week, I'll move again, but much less drastically - just out of Tech Support and downstairs to the "Jan Memorial Desk". Yesterday, I was in a great mood. I'm not sure why, but at least some of it seems to have carried over into today. Did I ever mention the chicken I made the other day? I know that sounds trivial, but it was the best chicken I've ever made. Ever. It was in-freaking-credbly delicious! Okay, enough of that. I have a plan to change myself somewhat. Now, I've already changed a lot. I made the decision in January that I would not be overweight, have bad skin, hate my job, have so much debt, and work so hard, and be thirty. Now, the turning thirty part I don't have much choice in, do I? Seems that's just looming. So, I needed to fix the other stuff. When we sold the house, we lost most of our debt (though not as much as I had hoped - which was all of it). Changing jobs seems to have fixed the "overworking" and "miserable at work" parts of the equation. I still have skin and weight issues, though. My skin is better than it was before I went to a dermatologist, but I need to find a new doctor here and get back on that one. And it's only six months to my birthday. There's no way I'm going to reach my goal weight in six months, considering I packed on extra pounds during the pre-relocation stress. But I'm ready to work on it. We have our membership to the Y, and the Berkeley Y seems to have some really great classes. I need to investigate that further. Also, I'm going to start being conscientious about my calorie intake. I splurged while Molly was here - it was comfort food and comfort friend time! Now, to get down to business. I'm going to do it, too. Absolutely. I will not hate my flesh anymore.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 1:24:00 PM   

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2002-08-06

 

Today I'm happy. I miss Molly already, but generally I feel pretty good. I'm not (very) sick. I had a little nap between taking Mol to the airport and coming into work, a lively discussion at lunch, and I have actually helped out some at work today. I like feeling (even mildly) useful. I had a strange dream during my nap: Stevie and I had bought a three-bedroom house with two tiny tiny rooms and one huge one that was something like 20x35. For some reason, Molly was living with us for a while (but not forever, just a few months or something like that), and so instead of having separate rooms, we put two beds in the big room and hung a sheet between the two beds for "privacy". It didn't seem very private to me. Then, we (as a group) decided that she would move into one of the tiny rooms, and everyone was happier. Not that we were sad before, just not as comfortable. I don't even want to try to dream analysis that one.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 2:29:00 PM   

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2002-08-03

 

Wow! It's been over a week! Today will be a grand day, and the beginning of a fine weekend (even though it's already Saturday evening). Molly's coming into town in a few hours, and I couldn't be happier. I don't know what we're going to do with our time, but it will still be great to see her. I know we're at least going to make the pilgrimage to IKEA, because that place is just freaking terrifying, and she must experience it for herself. I've really started to settle in here a bit. Finally. I had a few rough spots (personal, not performance) at work last week, but getting past them makes me feel even better. We made our first trip into Berkeley Bowl last night, and (as Ti-Fred had suggested) it wasn't as overwhelming people-wise in the last hour before they closed. Now, produce-wise... amazingly overwhelming. Like the IKEA thing, but with inexpensive, wonderful, and abundant produce. We got a few things, including some fabulous heirloom tomatoes - yellow and purple and red. They'll be nummy with some basil and fresh mozzarella... or maybe just as a side w/ scrambled eggs... or maybe we'll grill'em and make sandwiches. Yum! Okay, I'm hungry. But I don't want to eat too much because Molly will be here in a few short hours, and I don't want to be stuffed if she gets off that plane starving for some real food. Can't let the girl down, just in case!

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posted by bethanye 4:24:00 PM   

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2002-07-21

 

This weekend was a b*tch. I'm glad it's over, and that it ended on a high note. We had Jacquie (our new downstairs neighbor) and her BF James over for dinner, and it was quite pleasant all around. Still didn't get her laptop on wireless -dammit. But I will conquer this... oh, yes, it will be mine! Tired now. Made a few little iMovies tonight that I sent off to Molly. They should mildly amuse her when she gets into work in the morning. Now, as Pete says, I'm going back to bed.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 10:14:00 PM   

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2002-07-15

 

Yeah, I know. But I've been busy! Not like I've even told anyone of the existance of this thing, anyway, so anyone who might possibly read this is by total accident. Anyway, it's been good here. Not too much was damaged during the move. Animals are settling in, though the turtles need new housing (their aquariums were the primary casualties of the transfer). Work seems to be going well. I feel okay today. Better... more at ease than I have since I got here. MoMo totally bailed our asses out last week, so I need to do something nice for her to be determined. We're about 75% done with boxes when I left this morning, and Little Stevie may have made some progress today. We're down to only two rooms that are completely uninhabitable - one needs to be unpacked and arranged, and the other is filled to the brim with collapsed boxes. I actually cooked last night, which was comforting.

Labels: ancient history, family

posted by bethanye 5:14:00 PM   

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2002-07-10

 

Another good day today. Our stuff comes in tomorrow. Today I was in Tech Support, and I'll stay there for the forseeable future. It's more comfortable for me, too, so I have zero objection to this. Two-beer lunch as well, which probably wasn't the best idea. Stick to one next time, or I'm going to have to increase my tolerance for alcohol. I'll probably try to go with the former. Stevie will be here to get me in a few minutes, and then the precious internet connection will be lost - alas! Until next Tuesday, anyway. We're settling in. It's more comfortable now than it has been. I feel better today than I have since we got here, and I guess that's how it should be. We need to find a bank, too. Eventually. It will come in time.

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posted by bethanye 5:20:00 PM   

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2002-07-09

 

I'm feeling much better today. Less frantic. Less like a Radiohead song. I'm going to actually get something done today - I hope - and that's good news. Plus, the insurance company is covering all but $1750 of the repairs on the foundation plumbing. Major bonus. I'm thrilled. I wonder if we get the money back from our escrow when we close on the house... the escrow for next year's insurance, I mean. We'll see. Closing isn't today, but it will happen later this week. Then, we'll have lots of $$, which will quickly translate into having very little debt. Maybe more later.

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posted by bethanye 10:02:00 AM   

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2002-07-08

 

We made it. I don't want to abuse my time up here at work, but just a quick note. We made it. More on turtle near-death experiences later. Cats are okay. Well, Leda's still schitzing out some, but she'll make it eventually. And Work is a good thing, I've decided. Again.

Labels: ancient history, beasts

posted by bethanye 3:21:00 PM   

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2002-07-03

 

Sheer panic now. Today, they finished jacking up the foundation on the house. We had a guy come by to test for leaks in the slab as well, so that everybody's happy when close comes on Tuesday. There's a pretty nasty leak after raising things up, so they're going to have to come in on Friday to locate and patch them up. More money down the drain - no pun intended - but at this point I just want to do the right thing and still get out of here without incident. The plumber guy recommended seeing if homeowner's insurance would cover any of our costs, so lil Stevie called up ye old State Farm to investigate. We now have a claim number. The rub: Missy's now worried that the new homeowners will be unable to get insurance on the house because of a water-related claim within the last three years (today). No insurance equals no closing on Tuesday. No closing on Tuesday equals us being completely screwed beyond belief - we're talking bankruptcy, foreclosure, and anything else that could possibly go wrong. We have sunk a ton of cash (and some credit) into this house getting it ready for the new folks, and if for some reason the sale doesn't go through, then we're still liable for all of those debts. And - when you add the rent on the new place in Oakland - we just can't come up with anywhere near that kind of money. I think I'm going to throw up. I am so upset. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

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posted by bethanye 9:23:00 PM   

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They made it!! Well, the turtles are safely in CA. The house is being jacked up as I write this. Had breakfast with Marianna this morning, which was lovely and absolutely needed, and I'm going to the movies with Molly this afternoon. PPG Movie - Woo-hoo!! Then, off for delightful beverages and snacks with the girls. Whew! I'm over-caffeinated and tired all at the same time.

Labels: ancient history, beasts, family

posted by bethanye 8:56:00 AM   

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2002-07-01

 

D-minus 4. Counting down now... Tick-tock... Spent the day with Molly yesterday, which was much-needed. Stevie and I got her a pearl necklace - well, a pearl pendant - that isn't so obtrusive that she can't wear it often. I wanted her to have something to remind her of me, even though we're going to be so far away. She was happy, then cried a bit, then gave us both boob-smasher hugs (and that's a lot of boob to smash!). We were going to get her an iMac, but I like this better. She seems so happy with it. The cats are healthy, but it looks like we'll tranq them for the journey, considering that Bonnie freaked out going to the vet this morning. Shipping the turtles today. The house is empty, since the movers came on Saturday. I was very emotional about that for a few days, but today I seem much better. More at peace with the whole series of events.

Labels: ancient history, beasts, family

posted by bethanye 8:21:00 AM   

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2002-06-28

 

Okay, I admit it. I'm about to crack under the stress from this move. And I'm starting to question, "Have I made the right decision? Is it worth it to move across the country for a new job? Will the house actually close without significant incident? Will turtles survive shipping? Will the cats go completely bugger insane on the plane trip? Will this headache I've gotten from grinding my teeth ever go away?" Too soon to tell, though the logical (Vulcan?) side of me is feeling very PollyAnna right now and singing the praises of this move. Ahh, yes, to finally get out to SF, to get to work for "them" - not giant ants, to have no debt after the house closes. All nice points to fix on, indeed. But the majority (read: non-logical) part of me is freaking out hardcore. I am really going to miss some things about this life I've had here, enough to wonder if this is the right decision. A little late, though. And our house took 95 boxes to pack it up. There is NFW that 95 boxes will fit in that little house we're renting. I'm trying to remain hopeful. The stuff should show up when I'm at work, so at least I won't have to freak out about it realtime. I can't really bitch, though. I have a great opportunity, and I know it. And I don't even really like Dallas, which everybody knows. But, if I could wave a magic wand and turn things my way, I'd either have a major windfall of cash so that we could get another house, or I'd put things back where they were a few years ago. It was one of the happiest times of my life. This should be another one, right?

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posted by bethanye 3:23:00 PM   

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2002-06-24

 

Just got back from a very sentimental lunch. It was our last "Estro-fest lunch", the no-boys-allowed affairs that Kimmy, Marianna, and I would enjoy. Well, Estro-fest used to be breakfast, but since Marianna moved to another company, we adjusted accordingly. Bill crashed this one, which made me even more sentimental. I used to have the luxury of seeing every one of them in less than an hour, if I chose. Now, it will be an occasion to spend time with just one of them.

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posted by bethanye 11:12:00 AM   

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2002-06-23

 

Just got back from seeing Bourne Identity. It was much better than I expected. Also, I've been having these raging headaches from grinding my teeth, but those seem to be subsiding now. Must remember to wear the chompulator tonight!

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posted by bethanye 8:18:00 PM   

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T minus 12. I'm going to spend most of the day with Molly today, I hope. Still trying to get it together.

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posted by bethanye 10:21:00 AM   

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2002-06-22

 

And one more note for this evening. Worship the Comic. I'm so glad to see Oasis back, but I'm dying to know how she ended up inside the robot.

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posted by bethanye 8:03:00 PM   

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Document Everything. Today I got a camcorder. I think I might make an iMovie of this whole moving experience. So many changes - selling the house, getting rid of most of our stuff, going somewhere completely different. Not bitching, just musing. Ellen believes that I'll have to go through some sort of mourning period for the life I'm leaving behind. I'm sure she's right. I know that this is a great move for me. Not a doubt in my mind. This is the "maybe if I work really hard, someday I'll get to work there" job. In the part of the country I've wanted to live in ever since my first visit to the Bay Area. So, I think it might be good for me to document at least the tail end of this experience, to help me work through it. Got our airline tickets. We're carrying the cats on, which should be a joy yet unknown to us. I'm going to miss Jake. A lot. Spent yesterday evening with the Pruessner family branch. Becky and David have three amazing kids - Jennifer, Daniel, and Heather. Daniel's working the summer as a web developer, and "enjoying" the overworked status of an "Exempt" employee. I'm not sure that's legal, if they fought it, but he's going to try going fast and loose with the comp time to make up for some of the overtime he won't get. Jennifer is in her last year of college, going to Costa Rica for a semester, then finishing at Trinity. She did very well on her MCAT, so I am certain that she'll get into the medical school of her choice. And Heather's fifteen. Ahh, fifteen. I hated fifteen, but she seems to be handling it much better. That's enough about my cousins. Well, for now. Off to bathe and sleep.

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posted by bethanye 8:02:00 PM   

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2002-06-21

 

Lucky Me! Rhea has agreed to take delivery of the tortoises and hold them for a few days until they arrive. That's a load off my mind. Still have to schedule a vet appointment for the two of them, though.

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posted by bethanye 1:29:00 PM   

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Tortoise Mortis? Rhea says that we can probably ship the turtles to her, but I'm worried about "tortoise mortis" if they don't arrive okay. What would they do in that situation? I wouldn't want to have to make that call - "Hey, we've got your turtle, and she didn't make it. Now what do we do with it?"

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posted by bethanye 12:27:00 PM   

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Turtle Tribulations It's difficult to move. Difficult to move cross-country. And when you add turtles into the mix, it's a logistical pain. We have two tortoises. Natasha is a Russian tortoise, and Nausicaa is a Bell's hingeback. I've recently discovered that it's illegal to transport Nausicaa across state lines without a health certificate declaring her to be tick-free. I've had her for at least five years, which well pre-dates the ban. I don't feel bad about having an illegal turtle. She has a good life, though I wish I had room to get her a better enclosure. When we first brought Nausicaa home, 'Tasha didn't like that at all. We put them into the same aquarium - bad move! 'Tasha first decided to stand on top of Nausicaa. Then, she would hog all the food and pee on whatever was left so that Nausicaa couldn't have any. We separated them within a week or so.

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posted by bethanye 9:45:00 AM   

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2002-06-20

 

Well, the title seems pretty self-explanatory. Just an experiment, really.

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posted by bethanye 3:29:00 PM   

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