Right now. At this very moment. I’m going to delight in that caffeine+soy isoflavones high any second now. Ahhh… the soy latte. Yum. I am pro-soy, in moderation. But a latte and some miso never hurt anyone without a soy allergy, right?
We’re leaving at 4 to go see “Spirited Away” at the Metreon – a digital DLP theater – WOO-HOO!! I am absolutely thrilled to get to see a Miyazaki film this way. We had to pick, though. At the Metreon – digital but dubbed. At the Kabuki – analog but japanese with subtitles. We went for the digital, figuring that we’ll get it on DVD and it will have the japanese w/ subtitles.
Also, about that countdown clock. It’s not about me freaking out about getting older. Well, it’s not about that yet, anyway, though I suppose it could turn into that over the next few months. Actually, it’s there to remind me that I’m trying to achieve a few goals before I’m 30. Thank you, Molly, for reminding me that I still have time to commit myself to a healthier, active lifestyle before I’m 30, which I have pretty much decided is my true goal on the body-image front. [ I love you, Molly! You are truly a great friend! ] When I ride my bike to and from work, it’s hard. Especially coming home. But it’s wonderful, too, when I feel damn good a few hours later. More exercise should help me to improve my mood. I don’t want my body, which so miraculously healed itself those years ago, to be my enemy. I want to love it as I did then, for what it can do and where it can take me. I’m tired of seeing myself as trapped within the flesh that is, in its very essence, me. I am not just a head carried around by legs and arms and torso, but the whole that can be greater than the sum of its parts.
I want to feel that this body is not just a comfortable place to inhabit, but an essential part of the whole that is me. That probably sounds insipid and pretentious at the same time, depending on how you read it. But when it comes right down to it, I live in my head. So many of us do – my darling husband particularly lives in his head. I enforce disassociation between my mind and my flesh. But time and again I have realized that when I care for my body – drink plenty of water, eat nutritious (or even not particularly nutritious, but delicious) foods, exercise – I feel better in my mind.
This fitness goal, for the first time it isn’t about “whipping it into shape” or “making peace with my body”. It’s about learning to relish the sensations of a healthy strong body (like when I first tested free of cancer in 1995), and that is the body I live in right now at this second. It’s healthy. It’s strong. And I need to take better care of it. Hell, I took better care of my Volvo than I generally do of myself. I spend time nursing my intellect and neglect my skin and bones and muscles. I generally do spend time on my teeth, though, but mostly that’s because they live in my head.
Oh, hell. I just sound so California, right? Well, don’t get any ideas about those hippies infecting me with peace, love, and understanding. It’s all those issues of Tricycle catching up with me is all. That and the free time that comes with not working 18 hours a day. And, ahhh… does it feel good or what?