On a happier note, not going to St. Louis means I can get ready for school next week. On an even happier note, it means you don’t have to go suffer in St. Louis! Ick. Been there a few times, never understood the appeal.
I’m going to try to get some sleep tonight, but the past few nights have been difficult for me. I just worry so much – always right before trying to sleep, never early in the day when it’s convenient – so that there’s nothing I can do with myself but fret. Maybe I can beat the fretting to bed tonight. Soon… It’s nice and dark now. Maybe I’ll just have a bathe and then try to get some rest.
But NOT before I mention something that’s in the front of my mind. I just finished re-reading Catcher in the Rye, and while it seems to me that there’s a little bit of Holden Caulfield in everyone, there’s a lot of Holden in some people I have known. Some who should have been old enough to outgrow it, but didn’t. Yes, another spoiled rotten boy who thought that he was the most intelligent person in every situation. Now, they’re not twins or anything. Holden Caulfield can, at times, admit that he doesn’t have a clue, whereas the individual I’m referencing never was able to do that. Actually, the more I think about it, the guy I knew was more accurately the guy that Holden would hate. He thought he was Mr. Suave, when in fact he was – to borrow a phrase – a crumby phony. In real life. Not just in the preception of an angst-riddled (and in this case, fictional) youth.
Damn, I’m glad I dumped that boy. My life has on the whole gone very well from the day I left him. Hopefully I did my karmic penance early on, by staying in that relationship as long as I did. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I wouldn’t take it back. If I hadn’t spent some time with jerks, I wouldn’t have appreciated lil’ Stevie for the wonderful husband he is. Back before I went through those bad times, the “nice guy” was also the “boring guy.” Where was the appeal in spending time with someone who actually treated you well and liked being around you?
Yep. One of the best moves I ever made. My single strongest reason for being an advocate for living with someone before you marry them. Because if I hadn’t lived with him, I might have married him, and that would have been a much more difficult trap to escape from.